So I have been taking photography classes since September, so that I could learn to use a manual 35mm SLR camera...and to develop skills in darkroom techniques. This has been, truthfully, an incredibly rewarding experience. I remember the very first picture I took (my parents standing on the fireplace at Easter), and I recall feeling this electric buzz in holding their camera. Knowing they trusted me to take their picture, when I was all of 8 years old, felt amazing. Ever since that day, I have wanted to photograph the world.
Growing up, my family did alright for ourselves. I had a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes on my back. Though I had my moments of entitlement (a product of having too many wealthy friends), I never wanted for nothing. But my parents also taught me that if I wanted something that wasn't classified as a "need", then I had to save up for it on my own. As such, I never had an opportunity to get my own camera...and felt insanely envious of people who had them and got to run with the "artsy" crowd.
2008 rolled around. I had a crap job, came home miserable every day. I made next to nothing, and in general had nothing going for me except that I had a good relationship. I needed something outside of work and separate from my boyfriend, because independence is something I pride myself in having. I scrimped, saved, and bargain-hunted...and bought my Canon EOS Rebel K2. It came with lots of toys (tripod, filters, etc), and I had no idea to use any of it. Had I gotten in over my head? What's an aperture value? What do they mean by shutter speed? I spent hours reading over the manual, but was still coming up short. I stuck to the automatic setting for about a year, and maybe would get one good picture off an entire roll of film.
Determined to get better, I kept trying. Seeing the world through my viewfinder made me feel good. Like I was seeing something extrordinary out of the ordinary. It got easier, over time, to trust the manual setting and give the "trial and error" method the ol' college try. My pictures got better, more interesting. Still, most of the roll of film was crap.
Cue 2010. Now have the means to take photo classes. Whee! Now someone can finally tell me what an f stop is! First day of class was nerve-wracking. I was expecting a lecture hall or something, with some older gentleman looking bored at me for not knowing what I'm doing. In fact, the class is held in the 'Carriage' House of a renovated Tudor-style mansion that's a hisorical piece of property here in Atlanta and preserved as a cultural arts center for the city. My class is a mix of high school students, and young adults such as myself. It's taught by this guy and his partner. My teacher looks like Timothy Oliphant, but is probably hotter because I can actually stare at him in person rather than on TV. Such a relief that the whole learning experience is laid-back and informal.
I've learned to not just compose a shot, adjust the shutter speed/aperture value to accommodate for the lighting and the subject itself, but I can develop the film, then select the image I want to print and run the paper through the chemistry to develop the picture just the way I want. I can even go as far as toning the finished print to give it coolness/warmth in the coloration, albeit a black and white image.
Having total control from beginning to end as given me a sense of accomplishment. Having the tools I need to take a better picture...I almost feel like I was a twin separated at birth, wandering the earth looking for the thing that felt like was missing. And now I've been reunited, and it feels oh-so-good. I've found the thing I can call my own. The one "thing" I can say I'm good at, that's not a passive talent.
It may have taken me almost 30 years to figure it out...but at least I have more years ahead of me to enjoy my new hobby than there are behind me. If you feel like something is missing, be persistent. You'll find it. xoxo
"Self portrait"
