I've always seemed to have opposite reactions, behaviors, etc as compared to my peers (or more specifically, my gender group), and while it's weaved its way in and out of my life, it's never been a bother to me. I played on a boys baseball team in 2nd grade when all the girls were trading stickers, was endlessly clutzy despite taking extra care to be aware of my surroundings, refused to play by the rules when it came to dating, gained weight when trying to diet. It was always something different, but I figured it made me quirky and likable.
This weekend, however, shed some light on one other difference I have...one that I already knew about but just realized is upsetting me. Women, food, weight, size, shape. Today's standards say that women need to be thin, Hollywood displays their photos and interviews of actresses and models proudly maintaining a tiny waist and only indulging in "guilty pleasure" foods once every blue moon. I have always had a healthy appetite, never paid any mind to how I looked compared to other girls, and felt that more emphasis should be made on HEALTH and not what was trending at the moment (Atkins, anyone?).
I'm healthy in my food habits, physical activity, I don't smoke and only drink in (mild) moderation. I don't eat fast foods. But my body shape is curvier than most, and I'm OK with that. I love eating, and cooking, and food is like art for me. However, in the extreme heat of the summer, work stress, and general life adjustments has caused a notable loss of appetite for me. I only reluctantly cook dinner (it helps when you have someone to cook for), breakfast tastes like cardboard, and lunch is the only time I can muster up any interest in eating. This has been going on for about 3 months...and as such my pants no longer fit. I have to hitch them up walking up stairs, for fear that my polka dotted undies will be on display by the time I reach the top. I am disheartened by this. See? Opposite! I am saddened not because a few inches have disappeared and my toosh is no longer holding my pants up...but because food is not a joyful experience anymore.
My trip to the mountains of Tennessee this past weekend gave me a brief reprieve from my lack of caloric-intake though...the high elevation or the mountain air simply made me ravenous. It was such pleasure to feel happy about eating again. I felt actual hunger pains and physically craved full meals. I suppose it's not abnormal to have a desire to eat, but for the modern woman it likely would be outside the norm. How sad! How unfortunate that there are women (and men, too) who wish they had no appetite so they could lose weight. This past weekend was fabulous for me, and I was disappointed that I only gained 2 pounds back (out of the 28 that I have lost since June). This means I have to bite the bullet and buy new pants now, since I've been putting it off and just looking silly with my baggy pants.
Now that I'm back in Hotlanta, the appetite is mysteriously gone again. I found myself depressed at dinner tonight, and Josh asked me if anything was wrong. My mournful reply? "I wish we were back in the mountains so I would want to eat again!" I have two wishes. 1 - that the heat wave goes away and my appetite comes back and 2 - that more women would challenge themselves to simply be healthy and happy and not have the lense focused on whether they fit the standard model for beauty....to take ownership of their curves, soft bellies, stretch marks, and larger pant sizes.
