Anyone who knows me, knows that I am hugely pro-gay rights. I have family and friends alike who are gay, and I've been involved in the gay rights movement for over a decade now. I've protested, donated, supported, and been the best friend or family member I could to those that came out to me. But I think even then I haven't given enough thought about the minute details that those in the gay community have had to experience.
This episode of True Life depicted three individuals who recently had come out, and how their lives had been effected since then. What I gleaned from their stories were very upsetting to me, and it makes me furious to even think that those I care about may have had to experience it.
Picture you and your significant other. Now picture going to the airport to drop off your SO, where you wouldn't see each other for many months. What do you do? Shake hands, exchange verbal goodbyes, and go your separate ways? No, you hug, kiss, cry, hold hands, whisper how much you'll miss them and love them. For many who are out, or struggling to come out - cannot express their basic and human right to do this if they fear they are in an area where a homophobe could pass judgment or even worse - threaten physical abuse. Even a curious onlooker could be a source of offense, if you are trying to hold your partner's hand in public (as any other couple in love/like/etc would do) and you see strangers staring like you're a 5-headed beast.
Even further...those in the gayborhood have to consider their "out" status and compare it to those they are considering dating/having a relationship with - if you have been out longer than this person has been, your emotional development may be at completely different places and not compatible. Think about it like this - if you were a virgin, on your first date, and your date had been in multiple long-term relationships and was already sexually active....how long do you think it will take for that "talk" to come up? How frustrating it must be for the more mature partner, and how scary it must be for the newbie?
Coming out to other people, family, friends, employers, etc...it just seems so unfair that it's even an issue. When I came home with my first boyfriend, no one questioned it, I didn't have to talk to my parents and say "I'm hetero, I hope you'll be ok with me dating dudes"...because honestly? It's no one's damn business who I'm attracted to except for the person I'm pursuing.
I also recognize that because I date men (or rather, just the one lol), my community identifies me as a hetero and thusly I am to some degree shoved into the "majority" group and there will always be a percent of those in the "minority" who do not value my support or empathy. And I so wish I could change their mind...there is a movement, and because you are coming out you get to be apart of it - but I've been in it too. I don't see you for your sexuality, I see you as the person you are to your friends, family, employer, community. Are you kind, caring, generous, funny? Are you loyal to loved ones, keep confidences, supportive to those who need help? Those are the only things I care about. Guess what...your race, religion, sexual orientation, weight, intelligence level, height, or ice cream preference have nothing to do with your ability to be or do those things for people.
What a curious world we live in...sometimes it feels so surreal, and I have to remind myself that even though I live my life without hate that there is still so much left of it in the world. Maybe one day I won't have to do that, and I can smile knowing my loved ones can be truly authentic everywhere they go.
