platonic soulmating

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~Aristotle

One of the perks to having your best friend also be your roommate and boyfriend is that you can always have random, meaningful, or outrageously funny conversations throughout the week. Josh and I have our fair share of these chats, and the one that came up tonight was about friends, friendship, and what we take from both of these.

He has a much more spartan take on developing friendships and finding friends, and he is merely happy to satiate his intellectual and social cravings with any ol' soul and goes home the better for it. A true social butterfly, if you will. Large or small crowds, people from all walks of life, long or short term communications...he will treat you with the utmost kindness and respect. You will benefit from talking with him and knowing him to whatever degree. His view and my view on friends and friendships are polar opposites but thankfully, he understands my more intimate take on things.

Me...well...I look for friends and friendships the way some women look for husbands. I crave deep, emotional connections with a smaller set. I moved around a lot when I was younger, and though I feel I have benefited from my experiences, I do regret not having those lifetime friendships. You know, where you met as babies in your moms' leche league or whatever...and you went to the same schools and shared your ups and downs as the years flew by. I didn't even get that experience through my extended family, as contact was minimal for my family growing up for whatever reasons. So over the years, I have found myself disliking large group outings or bar hopping or house parties, etc. I think that's why I didn't like college either, or rather, the college experience.

For me, going out with more than 3 or 4 other friends/acquaintences/etc means having idle chit chat, yelling over others to communicate with the person next to you, and likely dealing with a non-sober crowd...all of which means those several hours you just spent talking with however many individuals will have been all for nought. So...I ask, what is the point? If I'm looking to develop a close friendship, find a best friend, etc...why would I invest my time talking to someone who won't remember me in the morning? Let me point out...I do on occasion, go out on the town and enjoy the frivolities a 20-something can partake in...and I do find all those people quite lovely. But it never goes beyond that evening and I feel sort of used.

In an age of facebook and other social networking sites, it's almost become trendy to have hundreds of "friends", most of whom mean nothing to you, and I feel almost as if it has seeped into how we interact with others in real life. Meet you in a bar? Friend me! I'm on facebook! Buuut I'm going to limit my profile so you can't actually get to know me. Or I'll wait a few weeks and then delete you. What's the freaking point? Is it to socialize for the sake of socializing, as in Josh's case? Or have we just become a society of vapid friend-adding zombies?

I want a friend to be more than that. I want the whole deal, baggage and all, and I won't settle for less. If that makes me less interesting to my social butterfliers, that's ok. I love them all the more for it and I hope they find what they're looking for too <3

satellite heart

I have a non-traditional relationship in a traditional world. I get that. Don't need to rehash it for the umpteenth time. And I think people are finally dropping the whole "when are you getting maaaaaaarried?!" and even have ceased with the blatantly rude comments about cows and free milk (whatever that old fashioned saying is)...so I'm free to go back and just live my life as I see fit.

However...this may peg me forever as a crazy cat lady, but I'm sick of getting ragged on for treating my pets as children. To me, they are. I have a great love for animals, and I see myself as a sort of protector of all things furry and warm-blooded. I am not here to dismiss the trials and tribulations of parenthood for parents of human-children, but to clarify and shed some light on the many, many similarities between parenting kids and parenting pets. Especially for those who are involved "pet parents", and not those who have pets for the sake of tradition or appearances' sake.

1. Sleep: My three cats have not allowed us a full-night's sleep in 3 years. Why? Same reasons a baby keeps you up for the first year or so of life. Scared of the dark. Wanting to be close to mom and dad. Hunger. Excitement and wanting to play. All of this leads up to development of 'schedules', where they begin to expect you to not go to sleep before a certain time, and be up the same time every morning. Regardless if it's the weekend or not. Denny traps you in the same position every night because he is stubborn and holds his own like Sherman on the highest hill of Atlanta. Charlie used to sleep on my pillow every night, right up until he got too big to fit. Now he sleeps on the floor where it's too dusty for him to cope with his allergies, and wakes us up multiple times a night having a coughing fit. Phoebe adores all things Daddy, and wraps herself around Josh's neck usually around 4am every night and purrs herself to sleep. We don't sleep for all those reasons.

2. Food: I have heard stories of my friends and when the mere idea of food pops into their child's head, eyes get as big as moons and they pitch a fit until they are satiated. This is much the same with my cats. Except I have to help maintain the peace since they all share a food bowl, even though they're supposed to eat different types of food. So I have to mix up the food in one container, and hope they get what they need from it and not overeat. Phoebe gets additional special foods for good growth and development, because I want to make sure she has the best start in life and her li'l kitty brain doesn't get tumors from eating shit food that pet food companies pass off as edible. They all yell at us if they aren't fed at the right times of day. They also beg at the dinner table, even though they don't know what human food tastes like.

3. Attention: As much as I would like to take a nap when I walk in the door at the end of the day, all three cats rush me and demand attention immediately. Again, I get yelled at if I don't submit. Each one of them requires individual acknowledgment, pets, cuddles, and the occasional throwing of a toy. If I don't provide equal attention, someone gets jealous (Charlie), who sulks off and refuses to play and get his daily allotment of exercise. This also leads to sibling rivalry and the breaking up of fights (see Discipline).

4. Health: Unlike children, you can't extend your health care plan to your pet. But you worry about their health just as much, but have to weigh between your penchant for worrywort-ism and the high cost of a vet bill. Phoebe got into the garbage again, did she eat anything harmful to her tummy? Is Charlie coughing because of a hairball, or is it his allergies and possible asthma? Did Denny go to the bathroom enough times today? These are all things that run through our minds each day, and we have to be good 'pet parents' and figure out what is an emergency and what is not.

5. Discipline: Pets need training, punishments and rewards just as rearing a child would require. It's just as annoying when a child draws on the linoleum as it is when a cat gets into the garbage can and tears up a roll of toilet paper for the umpteenth time even though you've been working to deter them of the bad behavior for weeks and months. It's just as frustrating when your disciplinary methods fail, and you question your ability to teach them the right behaviors.

6. Love: Unconditional love, regardless of the thing receiving it, is still a weighty and rewarding gift to give. It's also scary, because should the thing you love this deeply become harmed, hurt, or perish...the depths of your pain are bottomless. My phoebe had her spay surgery today, and I took the whole day off of work because I would be too distracted worrying if she was in pain, hurt, confused, scared, or lonely. All things I believe any parent doesn't want their child/pet/etc to experience ever in their life. The thing that sucks about being a pet parent is...your pet-child doesn't outlive you. You get about 10-15 years. I try not to think about that because I get too upset.

So. Now you know why, when people ask me about my timetable on procreation, I say "I'm already parenting three cats." and feel completely satisfied. Maybe human-babies will be in my future, maybe not. What's that saying? Don't fix what aint broke? I'm happy and maintaining the status quo is good enough for me.

here's to parents, of all kinds, everywhere. <3